#38til30

                As of today, 6/6/16, I have approximately 38 days until I turn 30 and...I honestly don’t know how to feel about that. When I was younger, I just knew that by 30, I’d be this famous ass supermodel, dating or married to my balling ass NBA player and have at least 1 kid under my belt. That is definitely a far cry from where I am in my life, but hey, I can’t say that I didn’t attempt to go for that life at some point. In any event, every article I’ve read about turning 30 all say the same thing: 30 is when you basically say “fuck it”... to any bullshit, negativity, stupidity, insecurity, worry... From my reading, 30 is when life really starts to happen...but shit.. at 30? When I read that life truly begins at 30, my first thought is “damn, that much closer to dying...” Honestly. LOL. HOWEVER... I should take into account that, the ability to turn 30... in the city I reside in... Memphis... is a blessing... and I am trying very hard to embrace and embody that blessing because I’ve seen so many people who don’t make it to 21, 25, 28, much less 30...

 I entered my 20’s in a fucked up relationship and pregnant... of which, like 3 weeks after I turned 20, I miscarried... That was needed, though, a good kick in the ass (and I did not need a child by that person at.ALL.). After losing that 1^st baby, I knew I couldn’t live my 20’s like that, so what did I do? Bossed the fuck up, took on 3 jobs, went back to school, and kicked my (then) boyfriend (who was like 9 years my senior) out of my apartment. Throughout the rest of my 20’s I job-hopped, earned my insurance license, started this blog, sold hair... Had 2 more miscarriages and, in year 28, thought I’d gotten a hold of life—decent job with decent pay...until they were like “hey Slim, fuck you!” with a smile and ever since then, it’s been a fucking rollercoaster of emotions and what-the-fuck scenarios. In year 29, I returned to school and not working has allowed me to be there for my family in such a tremendous way and enabled me to travel. Last year, I traveled more than ever, finally getting out of the country... Although only to the Bahamas, it was needed.

My main issue in turning 30 is settling. I don’t want to just settle for any ol life. I can’t. It’s not logical! I know that the type of life I want to lead involves not working for someone else. Working for others has not been my strong suit anyway, because of my hearty thirst for entrepreneurship. THEREFORE... in my mission to have a good jumping off point to 30, I’m challenging myself to just do better altogether. I have a nicotine habit I started at 20 that needs to be stopped. Although I’m small, I still need to take care of my health and fitness better. I’ve began to eat better... although I’ve never been a fan of sweets, sugars, or fatty foods, cutting back on pork and eliminating chicken and incorporating more holistic measures has been a great help. Controlling my emotions and reactions to things are improving daily and I’m beginning to emerge out of hermit state and actually experience people and the world around me (I’m a crab and an introvert, so it’s very hard to leave my creature comforts.).

It’ll definitely be a journey, one that will still be heavily photographed, but this time, I want to take it back to 1999-2004 and write it... document it. So that when I turn 40, I won’t freak out as bad.