.serial monogamist.
.serial monogamists. everybody knows one. hell, at one point in time, you were probably one.. and if you don't think you've ever encountered one, trust me, you have.
they're the ones who you assume are never lonely..they really don't complain about their partner..that is until they get bored... most of the serial monogamists relationships average from 1-3 years.. they know every nook and cranny of their partner and the family always-- and i do mean always--adores them. you know a serial monogamist... you know something else? ...
Hello! My name is Slim and I am a Serial Monogamist..
I joined the ranks of serial monogamists when I was but a junior in high school (15y/o)... I just knew I met the elusive "one". I was determined to be with him beyond high school. No, this was not just high school sweethearts, boyfriend/girlfriend.. this was a mature, upstanding relationship.. lol.. looking back on it as i type.. i was an idiot.. anywho.. it was only until i returned from summer break a senior.. and.. some of the guys had grown.. handsomely.. over the break.. Oh my.. I quickly grew tired of the "one" and went about my way..
A few months later, in 2005, i found myself i an unusual relationship. He was 27. I was 18.. My parents were pissed... my friends abandoned me.. (or, rather, i abandoned them).. all i had was him and damnit, we were going to prove the naysayers wrong.. he brainfucked the bejesus out of me, turned me into a person i did not recognize. the people who grew to love and know me didn't recognize me. wtf... but, nonetheless i stayed.. you know, the 'down ass chick'-- bailing him out of jail and cleaning up after one of his drunken stupors...or even worse, white.. it was crazy.
i gained the strength to put him out and quit trying to rescue him in 2006.. but it truly wasn't over until 2007...
and now person I'm with now helped me to get over the last in so many ways..he is kind and patient and is an absolute blessing of a boyfriend. there is no end he wouldn't go for me and the same goes for me except... from time to time.. i... i wonder...
i sit back and think, "well damn, if its gotten this good so far, can't it get any better?" ...
i say "self.. there is a lot more you don't know about beyond your bubble..."
is there better?
am i missing out on life itself?
is the grass really greener... on the other side?
everything is perfect--but still.. something is off. something isn't quite right.. i kinda.. well..
....
i would like to be single. please... pretty, pretty please.. mother may i?
the older i get, the more i realize that I'm missing out on.. being a serial monogamist, playing the recurring roles of "wifey" is starting to become bothersome.
i mean, let's just be cool, no titles.. just __________ ... exactly..
i would like to do things on my time.. without worrying about and tending to someone else. their needs, wants, wishes.. their feelings.. what about me?! my needs, wants.. my feelings..
the harsh truth is that i stood in my own way really.. forgotten dreams, aspirations, goals.. missed opportunities.. time with my friends -- we all know our friends outlive our spouses anyway..
all i want is the same chance, like every other woman in her mid-twenties, to exert and flex my feminine wit, charm and seduction. I mean...
Can I live?!
so... here i am.. a week after i originally wrote this.. officially a single black female.. no.. im not addicted to retail.. but.. after all of that.. i'm at a slight loss.
Now What...
When I'm by myself and I haven't heard from anyone.. not doing anything.. just truly 100% by myself.. and I find myself asking that question.. I respond simply:
Oh I love it!!I LOVE IT!! BREAK FREE and LOVE YOURSELF. It's so weird that everyday I get on blog sites and say to myself "Amy, today you are going to post something." But everyday, I cannot seem to find a blog that's really worth commenting on. Call me old fashion but I don't fully commit to anything unless it moves me. This morning, I suddenly jumped out of bed around 5am and I just had a nerve wrecking urge to get online and browse blogs. So here I am on yours, my first post *YAAAAA*. It pretty much made me smile and cry due to the fact that I was you YEARS AGO minus the long flowing hair *hehehehe*. Although, I seriously get where you coming from I must warn you that "the grass me be greenest where you already are." Have you every thought of it like that? Please pardon me if I may come off as a HCTIB but you cannot sugar coat the truth, darling. It's nice that your expecting and searching for more out of life and to live it on your own terms but "fate is so cruel to fools" and "God doesn't like ugly." I know you've heard those from time to time but it's true. Personally, I'm not judging you but I have a few questions. I'm sensing that you just want to break free period, but in each situation you left one guy for another. So seriously hun, are you leaving your "blessing" for another guy or fling? How did you end things with him? Judging by the tone of the article you're TOTALLY single with no attachments, but does he see it that way? I'm asking you these questions because I know alot of women and men that broke free only to realize that they should have stayed and can't go back because of the terms they departed ways on and good ole PRIDE(that old Bastard). I'm putting emphasis on him because you called him a blessing. Hun, you don't go to heaven only to complain and say "it can be better." Catch my drift? But you maybe young enough to recover from you mistakes in time before time and fate has caught up with you.
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I'm glad you got away from the 27yr old coke head *EWWWW.* I know your parents were furious but how long after him did you take time out for yourself before you got in the next relationship? I'm pretty sure you've been feeling like this for awhile, so why get into another one? I'm just worried, you're going to relapse and get with another guy and when a new one comes along, you're jumping out the window again LOL! Not once did you state you want new experiences, to travel, or just to live and let live. Your past experiences state you graduate from one man to another. After the headache with *Mr. White,* I'm sure you played around for a minute but deep down inside you wanted a great guy, one that listens, supports, and uplifts you. If you're anything like me, you prayed for him too. I say again God doesn't like ugly. My daughter was just in a relationship, she felt that she wanted to just break free but in the process she treated this great and I mean great guy like TOTAL POO! He went out his way to love her, support her, and even stood behind her if need be. I respected him more and more everyday for dealing with her and loving her with no good reason whatsoever. He'd give any and everything for her just like your guy. She called him SMALL FISH one day. But I tried talking to her just as mothers do, but she didn't listen. So hun, look at it this way, If he treats you good and life is good now, it'll only get better in time. So after she dumped him, she started partying a lot and dating ACCOMPLISHED guys. It was fun for her for awhile I guess until she saw SMALL FISH with one of her best friends that was advising her to leave him. She said then she realized that the grass was greenest where she was. I guess her friend noticed that before she did *HAHAHAHA* I just laugh every time I tell that story. So friends do outlive spouses, but they typically outlive YOU together.
ReplyDeleteWith all that being said, I want you to seriously think about it before you walk out the door and live for YOU and YOU ONLY. It's not the amount of moments you spend but whom you spend them with.
I'm so so so sorry for lecturing you hun but after I read this post, I had a gazillion thoughts and words of wisdom if you want to call them that. "smart men learn from there mistakes, wise men learn from the mistakes of others."
OH and HUN The Depart of Child Services (I live in Memphis, so ours is called Juvenile court, not sure what your's is called but I see your in TN too) are full of women that just wanted to be "friends, no titles and _______..Exactly *HAHA*" CHOW HUN.
Thank you. All in all, I'm not looking for anything or anyone... I just want to be, thats all. I do want to travel and things as such, and I am.. but first, I must figure out whats best for me and go from there. Its going to be a journey, I'm ready for whatever is going to happen.. and I'm ready to write and share more of it. Again, thank you
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